Before learning about these modes or maladaptive coping schemes in schema therapy, all I knew was that anger was bad. I could see myself approach the “bad” precipice, and very often, I would end up tipping over into it. While inside, I could see and feel how badly the rage would affect others (and myself – heartrate, red face, clenched fists, wanting to hit myself etc), but I was relatively helpless to stop hurtling on towards more destruction.

When this was taught to me (on top of CBT showing me that the anger was misdirected), I was finally able to ask myself what needs aren’t being met, or what distress the child is facing. It helps to defuse the anger more often than not, even if it still fails sometimes.

Am example of how therapy helps concretely to manage our negative emotions.