I haven’t been posting regularly. That’s enough fodder for my critic to continue to abuse and try to convince me that I’m not worth anything.

There’re times where I can actually put him away. Once, I managed it for a week. And then the other bits came out to “play” and it wasn’t fun. I had to deal with my internal tantrums. A 40 odd year old adult, having childish food and behaviour urges, and having to try to control them – but also healthily indulge them.

Therapy work isn’t simple especially when things have been set into grooves over tens of years. Just yesterday I had to restrain my child from being petulant because I was hungry. While the critic was screaming. I ended up scratching a lot, but childish foods (a low sugar pancake, ha) finally reduced the urge to lash out at myself and at everyone.

So, just handling the critic isn’t enough. And that makes it so tiring and daunting.